he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
