Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
