This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
