u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I faked an abortion last night.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
