what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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