Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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