You work out of a Hotel?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
