her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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