pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
