why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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