he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
