genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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