brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
