i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
