I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
