We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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