I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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