I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
