No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
