I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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