Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
