His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
