her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
