Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
