This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
