Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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