You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
