sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
