Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
