I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
