That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
