I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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