Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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