sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
