The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
