He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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