I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
