we're blogging at a bar
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
