Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
