Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
