What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
