I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
