worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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