I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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