Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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