The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
