She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
