Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
