what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
