What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
